tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91672875029496552782024-03-12T23:30:49.862-07:00HEART STUFFStirrings from my journey with Jesus.Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-22584138813540359692013-05-28T18:12:00.002-07:002013-05-28T18:12:29.947-07:00Blog Moved<br />
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I moved the blog! I have been posting at <a href="http://www.weepingtolaughing.com/" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">www.weepingtolaughing.com</a> There was a while that I didn't blog much but I picked it back up a few months ago. You can follow me there and catch up :)<br /><br />Thanks for taking an interest in me and my family!<br /><br />Jennifer<br /><a href="http://www.weepingtolaughing.com/" style="color: #888888; text-decoration: none;">www.weepingtolaughing.com</a></div>
Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-1135131513089817242010-11-08T20:24:00.000-08:002010-11-08T20:27:49.325-08:00In Need of His GraceA couple of weeks ago I began to feel that overwhelming, nagging, irritable, impatient, frustrated <em>thing</em> that signals grief is knocking at the door. If I don't give myself to extra time with the Lord when I recognize it, it threatens to disrupt the delicate balance of life. I know this about myself and have seen the patterns enough now to know how to respond. Generally, the longer I try to keep <em>it</em> at bay, the stronger it grows. The only way to move through it a little more swiftly is to embrace it and let the emotions out before the Healer of my soul. <br />
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A couple of weeks ago, I was trying just to make it through the day intact with full intentions on getting before God and not just going to sleep hoping I would wake up better. But just as it goes, many times, once the dust of the day has settled and I am available for this mini breakdown; it disappears. I have often felt like saying...ok God, here we are and NOW there's nothing. When I have the time to work through emotions, that's when they take a siesta.<br />
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God is so good and I sense a stirring and drawing towards Him that I haven't in a while. It's so good. I know there is something to be said for being faithful regardless, but it's so good to run hard WHILE you hear Him calling. What's odd is that I hear Him calling me to a season of discipline, correction and instruction. I love that it matters less what He's calling me to, but just THAT He is calling! He disciplines for our good that we might share in His holiness. After being trained by it, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. <br />
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So in the midst of feeling like I'm entering a good season in some ways spiritually, I can't help that I've already counted down a few times until January 1 and felt like that's when I will fully be in the clear in crossing yet another mile stone; the second anniversary of Scott's death. Inevitably (and even fondly, but painfully so) I am remembering the lasts, and all that followed this season two years ago. <br />
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While I'm "ok" today, I want to ask for prayer for myself and Scott's parents and siblings over the next few weeks. I know when grief is more present and I'm in the thick of it, it isn't very likely that I will ask. Please ask the Lord to be near, that His unfailing love would be our comfort. Psalm 119:76 <br />
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Thank youJennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-91027805110875570522010-10-14T13:43:00.000-07:002010-10-14T13:43:40.301-07:00Sensitive HearingI rarely get to sleep later than 7am. Usually, my son is up pretty early and greets me if I don’t set the alarm. My aunt spent the night with us this past Tuesday night and offered to wake up with the kids in the morning. This usually doesn’t work because I still hear them. The kid’s rooms are downstairs, and my room is in an open loft upstairs, so it doesn’t take much. In an effort to take advantage of her offer, I slept with ear plugs in. Somewhere around 3am, I found myself at the top of the stairs with Eliya at the bottom. I asked her what she was doing and she told me she had to go potty. Of course the bathroom is right next to her room, but I suppose ascending the stairs to tell me first makes perfect sense to an almost 4 year old at 3 o’clock in the morning. I helped her to the potty and back to bed, and then I returned to my bed… ear plugs still in. <br />
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I lay there wondering at the fact that I didn’t even have a cognitive thought of hearing a child and choosing to get out of the bed. My first memory is being awake at the top of the stairs knowing I heard one of my children. It’s amazing that God has wired mothers like that. My effortless, less than conscious response to the faintest sound of my child is automatic and responsive. I immediately asked my Father to make my spirit that sensitive to His voice. I long for my spiritual ears and eyes to be so set on the One who sits enthroned in heaven. Samuel’s response to the Lord was “speak Lord, for your servant is listening”1 Sam 3: 9-10. Even now Lord, I ask that you would awaken my spirit to Yours! Speak Lord…and help me to listen!Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-86413634639431618362010-08-27T21:02:00.000-07:002010-08-27T21:02:36.069-07:00Life is like a mortar and pestleLife is like a mortar and pestle<br />
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I got to go to parts of the Glory of Intercession conference last weekend at IHOP Atlanta. As I mentioned in the previous post, my heart was heavy and I wasn’t “feeling it”. I went anyway because besides knowing I needed it, I had already paid. The first service in, Corey Russell was talking about how we have to get our minds set on heavenly things. Often what God does for me or says to me is not what is going on corporately. I remember a few verses really stood out to me amid other topics that were being taught on. I kept hearing Colossians 3:1 "Set your mind on things above where Christ is seated". It struck me as he mentioned when the disciples asked him how to pray, Jesus immediately responded with “our father in heaven YOUR name is holy!” It was as though the Holy Spirit was highlighting to me come up here. <br />
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I went feeling overwhelmed, stressed, strained and pretty well maxed out emotionally. Billy Humphrey got up and started making some declarations in the spirit. Two things he said that seemed to break the delicately balanced emotional wall I was trying hard to maintain were; that the season of widowhood was over and a bruised reed he would not crush, but that in fact he would blow on that reed until it was set ablaze. <br />
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At those declarations, I lost it. So I said, Ok Lord, You keep saying “come up here” where YOU are. What is it that I’m supposed to see? I imagined that I was with God as a friend and we were looking down together on my kids and me. Then the image of this little mortar and pestle I have popped into my head. I know that you use this in cooking, among other things. I looked up the words and in the Latin; the mortar is the “receptacle for pounding" and the pestle means “pounder”. So there we are… me the mortar and God, life, the enemy… the “pounder”. The only time I have ever seen one used was by Scott in the kitchen while making pesto. You place the herb and then crush it, releasing the fragrance and flavor; after it is crushed you add olive oil to it. When I saw this image while at IHOP, I knew what God was saying. I felt like God was asking if I would agree with His heart in the crushing process. I also felt like He said He would release the aroma of Christ through this very crushing. All of life in this earthly tent is about perspective. His is the only perspective that matters, so I want to know what He is doing!<br />
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To know that God sees me and hears my cry changes everything. To know that I am not forgotten. To know that these pains will produce the aroma of Christ. To know that momentary and light affliction is producing a weight of glory far beyond comparison. To know that I can partner with and agree with the heart of God on this matter of crushing. YES JESUS! Always YES. <br />
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I can’t describe the weight that lifted (the weight lifted far before the puffy eyes went down). Day two at the conference, I had the kids with me all day. Many things didn’t go right. I didn’t get to hear the majority of the morning service because Simeon was terrified of a screaming kid in childcare area. They took a short late nap, which caused me to miss the afternoon service. We had to leave before night service preaching started. I felt like the happiest, most optimistic person though! I got to dance with my kids in worship and my heart was alive and the kids were really great! <br />
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I pray that I can walk in the Spirit often enough to really know God is always for me. My circumstances or emotions at any given time are unreliable. He is good, He is God. He has a plan to bring His kingdom to the earth and is looking for people through whom He can work. I believe He loves me and will use the least measure necessary to get the results of sanctification in my life. I will agree with His heart over this life. <br />
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I pray that you will set your mind on things above and see your life and circumstances from His perspective and find there is fullness of joy in His presence forever (Psalm 16:11).Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-83702163274652346452010-08-27T20:54:00.000-07:002010-08-27T20:54:28.698-07:00The Down SideThursday August 19th<br />
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The downside of the wounds of grief on the heart is that just having a difficult day or a “down day” can become a black hole that threatens to suck you in for an unknown quantity of time. I woke this am with 1 Thessalonians 5:16 in my head; it refers to being joyful always and giving thanks in everything. Somewhere between waking and 8 am, the sun seemed to hide and the “funk” came around me. The funk for me is the unexplainable sadness that appears from nowhere and seems to be here to stay a while. Is it my anniversary a couple of weeks ago that leaves a lingering emotional dip in my heart; or is it my birthday around the corner? These times serve to remind me that we no longer share these things…only I am here to remember the plans for a lifetime we dreamed together. <br />
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Thursday, I went to the house of prayer prepared to just BE with God (not do, not praying for things in my life or anyone else’s, just to sit WITH Him). I went in hopes that my time with Jesus would realign the focus of my heart on Him until His faithfulness and goodness moves back from my head to my heart. God was so good as I was overwhelmingly reminded that it is so significant that I simply come. Not what I am able to bring to Him but just to BE. So often I strive. Even when I am aware of it, I strive to not …well strive. Work, work, work. I get sucked into estimating how God views me and feels about me based on how I view myself and feel about myself. If I feel productive and great, God must be proud…but if I have succumbed to the funk, there must be some disappointment on His part because I am disappointed that the truth of His word doesn’t seem to be lifting me out the way we would expect (me and my view of God’s heart toward me at times= we). <br />
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Recently, I put Simeon to bed and he quickly closed his eyes and started that rhythmic breathing that shows sleep is setting in. I thought about how much I enjoy that he is at peace and rest in my presence. I also love when one of my kids has a little boo-boo and the solution is just in my holding them. Not significant to the physical, but great medicine for their hearts. Some of my most enjoyable times as a parent are actually in these moments when my child is doing the least to “earn” my affection. They see the joy in my face when they “get it right” or make the right choice whether it be sharing or speaking politely. These DO make me happy (and help in keeping peace). These still don’t compare to the fellowship of our hearts that takes place in the stillness of “everything is alright with the world because we’re together”. <br />
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Thursday my heart was heavy and hurting. God so spoke to my heart that delights in me and enjoys me…not just when I think things are going well, but even when I feel sad. He let me sit in His lap and reminded me that when I come to the end of myself and find only His presence will do; those are some of His favorite times too. <br />
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In that, I can give thanks! Bless the Lord, Oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name!<br />
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1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”.Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-36720704754147942762010-08-07T19:09:00.000-07:002010-08-07T19:17:09.794-07:00WhirlwindI have been so busy lately. Overwhelmingly so actually. Between just trying to keep up with a two and three year old, the house of prayer, and my on-going house project...I am often overwhelmed. <br />
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On the "busy" 2 and 3 year olds. They are so great. So challenging much of the time, but such a joy also. I taught Simeon how to say I love you in Spanish tonight. Last Sunday morning, he woke up first and those first few minutes are the BEST snuggle times. I sat with him and after about 5 minutes he looked at my dress and said, "ohhh, flowers. Mama pretty". Isn't that the sweetest thing?!? Just a couple of days later though he wouldn't let me kiss him; I got him anyway and he said yucky as he wiped the infected area...so go figure. Eliya is really thinking a lot these days. She is remembering everything and piecing things together I wouldn't expect her to. I continue to ask God for wisdom in how to lead these little ones to Him and through this life. <br />
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At the <a href="http://thewellhop.org/">house of prayer</a> we had a 6 week internship that ended the beginning of July. It was filled with prayer room hours, meeting weekly at the Toccoa Falls College Campus to ask God to move there this coming year, learning and practicing meditating on the Word and listening for God's voice and teachings on topics like intimacy with God, Israel and Eschatology. It was a great time and really built us up as a prayer community. I also got some help with leading our main Tuesday night worship and intercession time these past several weeks from a friend, Anna Kate, home from college for the summer. It was a blessing in many ways to have help with this aspect of the house of prayer! <br />
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My on-going house project is...well...going on! It's been a big encouragement to see how God has seen and heard my requests. We moved out of our house early January and minor remodels became major and we've been displaced since then. My in-laws graciously let us take over their house for the past few months. After money ran out and before the project was near complete, I struggled with the fact that I was not seeing many of the things I know to be true of God. The Word says He's a Husband, and a Father, and a Provider...but I had a house that for almost 8 months I haven't been able to settle in with my kids. Knowing that God's word is true, I assumed that I wasn't doing something right. Maybe not asking in the right way or praying with enough faith. Maybe there was some lesson I hadn't gotten just right to "release the blessing or response" as you hear some preachers teach. I was so frustrated. At one of the many breakdowns along this journey, I cried out to God and heard Him say Job. I'm far too optimistic to really care for Job's story in the Bible, but I skimmed all the headings and saw that what his three friends were saying was much like the accusation I had against myself. They basically said the principle exists that God blesses the righteous and curses the wicked. What was TRUE in this story was that these men spoke for God but didn't know His ways, mind or heart. Through reading this story, I felt like God was saying (something I've heard before) that He wasn't ignoring my prayer, but answering another one at the same time. I've asked and have been asking to be purified. I want to be holy. I want to KNOW God. With circumstances like these, the enemy of our soul wants to lie to us about who God is and who we are before Him...and God wants to allow us to get a little more to the end of ourselves so His life can be raised up in us. I believe that God said to me "If I had asked you to go through this season and come out of it just a little closer, would you have said YES?" and with that perspective, I would absolutely have said yes. So I realize that I haven't even come close to walking it out well. I've been frustrated, short with my family, lacking in trust, hopeless, helpless, and felt completely out of control A LOT of the past 8 months. In spite of all of that, God sent some amazing people from my church and some family have stepped in and come alongside of me in an overwhelming and humbling way and my house is nearly done. We will be living there by next weekend. God is so good. No His ways are not my ways and His timing is DEFINITELY not mine; but He's so good and I pray I have grace to lean in harder and earlier the next <strike>trial </strike> opportunity that comes my way. <br />
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There are so many things going on in my heart and mind these days; hopefully I will be able to slow down soon and blog a little more! Thank you for the many of you who have lifted us up before God. Please continue to pray for wisdom for me in parenting and leading the two amazing kids, protection and provision for our family, and that we'd live with a kingdom/eternal perspective.Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-38875760433971703542010-06-16T04:21:00.001-07:002010-06-16T04:21:23.262-07:00Hearing the voice of GodI was just pondering hearing God's voice. I am in a season of pressing in to hear His voice more clearly. I am also currently reading Rees Howells Intercessor. This man is an example of one who emptied himself so utterly. In doing so, he made room for the Spirit of God to dwell in him and work through him in amazing ways. Once when a young Christian asked him how he knew God's voice, he said "Can't you tell your mother's voice from any other?...well I know His voice just like that." Jn 10:4 says as a shepherd, he walks before them and the sheep follow Him because they know His voice. Mt 5:6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied"! More "food" for thought: Isa 55:1, Isa 55:2, Jn 4:14<br />
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Father, thank you for a desire to hear your voice. Thank you for giving me hunger for more of you! Help me to only take on what You want me to take on so there is room for being still before You. Help me to talk less and listen more when I'm with You. From the place of intimacy, give me the words that sustain the weary one (Isa 50:4). You are so good and I am so grateful for your grace and mercy in my life. In Jesus' name.Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-72926352159163773692010-04-18T11:36:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.666-07:00Use it ALL LordToday is one of those days…again. Hindsight, I can see it in the works the past few days. I will give you a glimpse of grief. There are many great things going on; God’s word is alive and I feel a draw to Him. Good things happening at the house of prayer and my house is getting closer and closer to being ready for us to move into. The last day or two, I start feeling unusually irritable and frustrated. I seem to have less patience for the kids and overall I feel sadness draped over me. THEN, I realize that Scott’s birthday is coming this week. It’s strange how there seems to be an internal indicator that sets in motion before I even seem recognize the cause and effect. I’m sure that part of not seeing it a little sooner is just being too busy and not getting before the Lord when I started feeling “out of sorts”. So last night I made the connection and by this morning I mostly just feel the sadness of it. It's probably been building for a while. It's especially difficult when Eliya asks questions about heaven and daddy. <br /><br /><br />Easter Sunday, there was someone playing Jesus at children’s church. Eliya has been told so many times that Daddy is with Jesus, that when she saw this guy, she fully expected to see Daddy too. I mentioned to her that his birthday was coming up and she asked if he would have a party at the park; followed by questions about if you get presents in heaven on your birthday, etc. I usually last about 90 seconds before I have to change the subject. <br /><br />EVERY single time that the intensity comes like this, God shows Himself to be so tender. It’s just like how sensitive and sweet I want to be toward my children if one of them is hurt. If I, being a good parent, want to kiss my child’s boo boo when they hurt; how much more does a perfect heavenly Father want to make His presence and kiss known when I cry out to Him. I am so aware of how low and needy I am, and He comes near(James 4:8a). In the midst of pain, I love the “cuddling”. God loves to comfort those who mourn and to raise up those who are bowed down (Mt 5:4, Ps 145:14). I often tell the Lord to use every bit of what comes along with my circumstances. I don’t want any of it to be in vain. Use the grief to bring me to Your feet. Use the pain to make me like You. Use the tears to heal the deepest places in my soul. Use my life for Your kingdom and set my gaze on eternity. Let my precious husband’s life and death continue to bear fruit through my life and our children’s lives, In Jesus’ Name! (Jn 12:24) <br /><br />Listen to this song that continues to speak to my soul: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YM1nTGleTW0&feature=PlayList&p=BA344F4B31CD9804&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=48">Come as Close as You Want</a>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-50162015250034488082010-04-04T13:26:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.683-07:00Selling our Birthright for Soup?!Several months ago I was very burdened for an old friend. This friend was willfully walking in sin and claiming the grace and blood of the Lord Jesus. I was literally thinking about and praying for this person almost daily and asking the Lord to expose truth and bring freedom. <br /><br />One day I took a nap and I woke up and knew I had been praying for this person. I drifted back to sleep and woke up with the Lord saying this generation of the church is like Esau who sold his birthright to his brother for a bowl of soup. I hadn't even thought about Jacob and Esau or this story in such a long time I had to look it up to find it. Gen 25:29-34, Esau comes in from hunting and is famished and weary and Jacob has made stew. When he asks for some, his brother said first sell me your birthright. Esau says, if I'm about to die, then what good is my birthright to me and agrees to give his blessing, inheritance and leadership of the family over for bread and soup. The Lord tied this dream to my one friend who represents the MANY in the church who wilfully make the exception of sin (the passing pleasure) in their lives and believe that there is no contradiction in that and in following the Lord.<br /><a name='more'></a> I also clearly felt like the Lord was saying these dear ones are selling their birthright, inheritance as an heir to the kingdom; for the passing pleasure of sin (bowl of soup). So fleeting that it literally only satisfies a short time. I haven't known exactly how to write about this because my own beliefs about doctrinal issues (once saved, always saved) have been shifting. I would hate for those whom the enemy attacks with doubting their salvation to believe this word to "confirm" what they already believed...that they can't be SURE of salvation. THIS I believe is for those who have hardened their hearts to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and have said to the Lord, I will follow you when it benefits me and is convenient...but in practice I will choose sin over holiness blatantly. Of course I sin. Anyone who thinks he is sinless is deceived. There is only ONE who will ever be sinless. It is ONLY through His making the way that any of us have any hope. God LOVES when in our weakness we are saying, "I am sinning, even stuck in sin, but the position of my heart is that I hate it and I want to be free". He knows our frame, our weakness. When my son runs to the potty and tries to go poopy without result only to go in his diaper 5 minutes later...that doesn't <em>disappoint </em>me! I'm thrilled that he really wants to try the potty and I know that he will be free of his diapers and that it's part of the training and maturing process that he will fail many many many many :) times before he figures it out. Nevertheless, I love him and I am so proud of him. God is so gracious...He is FULL of grace and love and mercy and tenderness and gentleness. If you hate your sin and struggle with assurance of salvation...this isn't aimed at you and you need to ask some prayer warriors around you to declare truth over you and help you get free from the lie of the enemy of your soul who is the father of lies. <br /><br />This message is for the other group. I only want to be faithful to the Lord in what I feel He has spoken to me. <br /><br />Hebrews 10:19-39 is a sobering passage and I think speaks to this very topic of willful disobedience. It begins by speaking <strong><em>to the brethren</em></strong> of the confidence we gain through the blood of Jesus and His sacrifice that brings forgiveness and freedom. It encourages <strong><em>the brethren</em></strong> to stimulate one another to love, good deeds, meeting together and encouraging one another...FOR vs. 26 "if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries. This message <strong><em>to the brethren, the church, believers</em></strong> says that ones who willfully go on sinning trample under foot the Son of God ad has regarded the blood of the covenant that sanctified him as unclean. Vs 31 says "It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God".<br /><br />I really believe that we are moving into a place where ones who have loved God in times past will have the fire in their hearts rekindled and will want to let go of every besetting sin and thing which hinders love. I believe that many who have really struggled with sin issues and hated it and haven't been able to get free will be freed in a moment! The Lord is so good and is setting so many free in the body of Christ right now. <a href="http://www.ihop-atlanta.com/page.php?p=renewal_services">(LINK TO TESTIMONIES OF FREEDOM)</a> When we get even a small revelation of the love of God and an understanding of the kingdom, we can begin to understand our birthright and inheritance is so much greater than the temporary thing we are clinging to now. Vs. 33 and 34 speak of a people who through tribulation and reproach they joyfully accepted the seizure of their property, <em>knowing that they had a better possession and a lasting one. </em><br /><br />Romans 6 talks about how we who have died to sin cannot still live in it. Rom 6:6 "knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin." <br /><br />We have got to pursue holiness. We have got to get free from everything that hinders love. There is a King who is worthy of a pure, spotless lamb. He will return for her. It will be difficult, but so so worth it. HE IS SO WORTH IT. There is nothing, no earthly pleasure that you can ever lay down that you will regret when you are in His presence. One of the gifts of what I have walked through in the past year after losing Scott was a more eternal perspective. This 70 year stint on Earth is a <em>vapor</em> compared to eternity and there is reward for faithfulness and for dying to your own desire and choosing obedience. <br /><br />So to the one who is struggling in marriage and just biding your time....ENDURE and persevere until freedom comes. To the one who is playing with sexual immorality...BREAK every tie and agreement you have made with the enemy in justifying your sin...BE HOLY FOR HE IS HOLY. He is worthy of our pursuing Him. To the one with the constant ungodly desires...Set your mind on things above WHERE CHRIST IS SEATED. Cast down every thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of Christ. <br /><br /><em>"let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.</em><br /><br /><em><br /></em><br /><em>Do Not Grow Weary!!! </em>For the joy set before US we can and will endure. Jesus said He would return, and He will. In just a little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay! (Heb 10:37). <br /><br />Lord, give me an understanding of the cross and what my freedom cost you. Help me know how you feel towards me (Eph 3:17-21). Give me an eternal perspective so I can walk in a manner worthy of You! (Mt 6:10, Mt 25:34) I know that if I see you the way David did (Ps 27:4), the way Mary did (Luke 10:42), the way John did (Jn 13:23) then I will have no difficulty giving up all for the One who is Love.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73itxS4Z2Xg">Listen to THIS SONG.</a> He loved me til the end. It's like a battle song to keep your eyes and heart focused!Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-12313983270653881122010-03-10T11:45:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.693-07:00Pt. 2; A touch in the nightIn the previous blog I talked about how the Lord spoke to me about our altered view of reality in the church (myself included!) and how we "go through the motions" without even perceiving that we aren't in touch with reality. Directly after that experience of waking up three times, I laid back in the bed and turned on the ipod to listen to worship music while I went back to sleep. I haven't done this in a LONG time. I began to remember that the months after Scott passed away, I fell asleep EVERY night to these same songs. In my heart I began to <em>really</em> worship through remembering the goodness, faithfulness and tenderness of the Lord in my life. Suddenly, I was aware of the intense presence of the Lord.<br /><br /><a name='more'></a>I think the presence of the Holy Spirit had already been working and moving, but I just at that point became aware of it. <br /><br />I had gone to IHOP Atlanta that Sunday morning. In every service, they have a time for praying for those who need healing. My hip had been achy and arthritic feeling for a few weeks. It wasn't a serious enough pain that I would go to the doctor, but had really been bothering me. During that prayer time, I raised my hand and those around me prayed for me. I didn't sense anything happen, but have been so encouraged recently to believe that something ALWAYS happens when we pray even if we can't measure it by our five senses. <br /><br />That night, in the middle of the night, the Lord was manifesting His presence in such a gentle, sweet way. My hip was radiating as though it had icy-hot on it and it also felt like a low wattage current of electricity going through my leg. During this experience, there was such a peace and surge of love for the Lord. I felt overwhelmed that He would move on me in the secret moments of the night like this. After a while I wondered how long this had been going on and knew from the order of the songs on my play list that it had at least been 30 minutes. From a place of intense love and abandon for Jesus, I told Him in my heart that I would say or do anything He wants me to. It's funny to me that a real revelation of God and His love causes the heart to surrender more fully. As soon as those words came from my heart, I felt like they were a vow before the Lord. <br /><br />Of course, the next day I began to think of the many prophets of the Old Testament who were told to do insane things, and who were obedient. I pray that I would be found faithful and obedient to the end. The Lord gave me a dream about 4-5 months ago and I haven't been able to shake it. I will let that be part 3 of these posts...as soon as I have time to get it out!<br /><br />This song has so encouraged me recently. I love it and hope it causes the Spirit within you to make war with anything that hinders you from fully loving and surrendering to Jesus.<br /><br />Click here: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73itxS4Z2Xg">HE LOVED ME TO THE END</a> <br /><br /><br /> Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-56070872947802930602010-03-02T17:49:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.706-07:00How long have we been asleep?I had an interesting experience Sunday night. It will likely take a few posts to share all of what happened but for now, I will share just part of it.<br /><br />Sunday night I woke up in the middle of the night and really needed to use the restroom. I sat up in the bed, but was having trouble getting my eyes to actually open. I rubbed them a few times and realized how groggy I really was and how my vision was even not cooperating. I actually physically pryed one eye open trying to get myself to wake up more. <br /><br />Then, I opened my eyes to find that I was still laying down had JUST now actually woken up. I lay there for a minute realizing that the whole first "waking up" was a dream and hadn't really happened. I lay there trying to will myself into action...because I really did have to go to the bathroom. I sat up and tried willing myself to get out of the bed. Unbelievably, I opened my eyes AGAIN to find that I was REALLY just NOW waking up. I had twice now believed myself to be awake and was in fact NOT awake. <br /><a name='more'></a><br /><br />I clearly heard the Lord say that this was a picture of His bride, the Church. Too often we are found going through the motions of religious duty that we are completely unaware of the fact that we are sleep walking. We've become so used to fulfilling our religious duty and in essence putting the smiley face sticker next to the task so we can feel good about our standing before God. <br /><br />Sunday morning service... Check<br />15 minute devotional time... Check<br />Throw in some giving and patting ourselves on the back for not being as bad as someone else and we have fully found ourselves in the role of a Pharisee. <br /><br />I knew immediately that this experience was the Lord speaking this to me because just a few weeks ago the same thing happened. I fully believed I was awake and woke to find I hadn't been awake at all. The next day I shared it with someone and as I heard the story come out of my mouth I asked the Lord if there was significance and almost immediately I felt like He was saying that was the experience of much of His bride. <br /><br />In the beginning of Revelations 3: 1-3 A word is given to the church at Sardis: "I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you."<br /><br />I got to share part of my heart and journey with some college girls this past weekend. The best part was getting in the Word and remembering the things the Lord has done in me. I shared with them that I have come to realize that the majority of my walk with the Lord has been sleep walking. Once the Holy Spirit illuminated the Word in my heart and I began to understand Mark 12:30; that the greatest commandment is to Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength... the second is loving others and the ministry that brings. We have a difficulty staying before Him long enough to become a lover...which is what He longs for. One of my favorite pastors, Mike Bickle, often says a lover will always out work a worker. <br /><br />Romans 13:11 "Do this, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from sleep; for now salvation is nearer to us than when we first believed. <br /><br />1 Peter 4:7 The end of all things is near; therefore be clear minded and self controlled so that you can pray. <br /><br />Father, I pray that you'd give me a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of God. Let the eyes of my heart be enlightened. Remove the veil. Wake me up where I slumber and don't even know it. Let me see how you see. Keep my heart in love with You Lord.Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-25526179609406341282010-01-02T09:50:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.727-07:00He Delights in ME!<div align="left">I want to share one part of what the Lord did and spoke over me at the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">OneThing</span> conference this past week. Let me start by saying, I don't share this because I particularly like having the deepest places of my heart visible for anyone to see. I lay my heart bare in hopes that it will lead others to the place of heart encounter with this amazing God who completely knows us and longs to give us understanding of how He feels towards us; not just a cognitive intellectual head knowledge, but an <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">experiential</span> heart knowledge that changes completely how we pursue this Lover of our souls. <br /><a name='more'></a></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">With that said, the conference was great. Soon I hope to share more about how energized and excited I am about some of the things the Lord showed me. In the midst of awesome teaching and great worship times, I couldn't help but notice many, many fathers with their little children. Starting Wednesday afternoon, it seemed as though there wasn't a direction I could look without noticing them. A sense of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">sadness</span> started settling in. By Wednesday night, I knew that where I was emotionally was so different than what was going on in the worship time at the conference. They had the <a href="http://www.theprayerroom.tv/">prayer room</a> going on site so I went over there to get in the Word and be still before the Lord. He gave me two verses while I was in there. Is 62:3-5 and Hos 2:19-20. These verses speak of no longer being called desolate and forsaken but being called "my delight is in her" and married. The Hosea verse says I will betroth you to Me forever and in faithfulness. I knew He was speaking, but my heart wasn't connecting. That night ended with that same <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">sadness</span> over me. The next day was similar in that all of these fathers were present with and loving on their babies. The absence in my life and my children's lives seem so much more present. At the night service they started singing You're faithful to the end, You're faithful to my heart, Won't you come and marry me. Although the Lord has been SO SO faithful and good, I felt an overwhelming need for Him to speak to my heart and touch my soul. I kept praying and asking Him to comfort me but I became overwhelmed and frustrated. I even asked someone to pray for me, but that only frustrated me more. I told her there was a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">heaviness</span> in my heart and she interpreted it to be something it wasn't and although thankful for her prayer, I was done. I decided to head to the prayer room again, but this time (last session of conference) it had moved back to the <a href="http://www.ihop.org/"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">IHOP</span> missions base</a>. So I went again into the service and had enough time away to let my emotions settle some. I decided since I didn't have any resolution in asking for Him to touch my heart, I would just start praying for others. I was praying for a little while and a man that I have met several times at different houses of prayer was coming through the crowd praying for people. I had kept an eye out for him earlier in the conference, but had not seen him at all until this last session of the four days. When I saw him, I knew that the Lord had sent him FOR ME. He saw me and made his way over and just started praying for me and speaking over my life. Within 8 seconds I was in hard and full weeping. Thankfully, there were so many people being touched in significant ways and with the worship loud, it was a little <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">sanctuary</span> for just me and the Lord. There was so much that he spoke over me that hit me to the core, but the one thing that left me undone was that the Father was giving me as a reward to Jesus. I was a gift from the Father to the Son. After this precious man had left I kept hearing that again and again in my spirit, I was a reward to the Son. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><a href="http://http//www.thecall.com/Group/Group.aspx?ID=1000049933">Lou <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Engle</span></a> was one of the speakers there and he has such a tender heart for the Lord and people. I absolute love this man! I jokingly asked a friend of mine how old Lou's oldest son is insinuating that might be a way I could get into Lou's family (incidentally his oldest son is 22 :). Through that random comment from earlier, the Father spoke so tenderly into my heart. It was as though He said, what if Lou were choosing a bride for his son from thousands of women and he chose ME and said out of all of those who I would choose from for my son, I want YOU to be his bride; that would be a weak analogy because the Father has looked out among thousands and thousands and has seen me and chosen ME as a bride for His son, as a reward for Him! Words alone cannot communicate what the Spirit did in me through this revelation from the Father. Although this bridal identity is definitely a corporate one, at that moment in time, the Father was speaking to me and revealing His delight in me and desire for me. I remembered those verses from the night before and went straight to them. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">Isaiah 62:3-4 "You will also be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. It will no longer be said to you, "Forsaken," Nor to your land will it any longer be said, "Desolate"; But you will be called, "My delight is in her," and your land, "Married" For the Lord delights in you and to Him your land will be married...as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you."</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">Hosea 2:19-20 "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, In <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">lovingkindness</span> and in compassion, And I will betroth you to Me in <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">faithfulness</span>. Then you will know the Lord."</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left">The amazing thing about this last verse is that is doesn't just say marry you to me, but it says betroth. In betrothal, it very much has the idea that the father is the one choosing the bride for the son. As intimately and personally as I am chosen to know the Lord in this bridal identity, so is every believer. I very much believe that the Lord allowed my pain to rise to the surface and my desperation level to increase so that He could reveal His faithfulness to me, His delight in me, and a new level of His love for me. He is mindful of us, He cares for us, He sets His heart on US! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Psalm</span> 8:4, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Psalm</span> 144:3, Heb 2:6, Job 7:17<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">ESV</span>. </div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="center">"Who am I, that You make so much of me, and set Your heart on Me??!"</div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"></div><div align="left"><span style="font-size: 85%;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-size: 85%;">P.S. Kirk- I already liked you a lot, but love that the Lord let it be you through the Spirit to breathe new life into my heart!</span></div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-51715358046710066652009-12-26T06:25:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.741-07:00Thanks for your prayers!<div align="center">Without exaggeration, the morning after the last post I felt a major difference. It was as though the sandpaper rubbing against me was gone. I love it when nothing in circumstances change but the Holy Spirit moves in and the lens that I am viewing things comes into correct view. So, thank you for lifting me up. I knew I needed the help in prayer and IT WORKED.<br /></div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I am going to OneThing this Monday through Thursday. I am really excited. I can't wait to be saturated in the Presence of the Lord, worshipping, praying and hearing great teaching for 4 days. With all of the moving and holiday distractions, it will be a welcomed dip in the river of life. You can also pray that the Lord would accomplish everything in me that He desires to in that time. </div><p align="center"> </p><div align="center">With it being December, and especially with having to go through so many things from moving that bring memories from life with Scott my heart has already been remembering this time last year. I obviously remember the intense pain of loss and the realization that how I pictured the rest of my life had suddenly become vague and would be drastically different forever. I also very strongly remember how it felt as though I was so enveloped in the Lord, with the comforter the Holy Spirit moving in a powerful way. I remember being so aware of the prayers of the body of Christ, that I felt as though I was literally being carried. In the midst of an already tender heart this season, I heard about another family that is now in the same situation I was in. Derek Loux was part of the leadership at IHOP in Kansas City. He was the director of the Forerunner School of Music in KC. He and his wife Renee have had a heart for adoption that led them to adopt many children. Renee is left with their 9 kids; 3 of which have special needs. I am asking the Lord to surround her and their children with the same grace that he did me last December and this past year. Not even knowing this family, it's still hard to imagine why the Lord would allow one who had such a heart for the orphan and the fatherless to be taken what would seem prematurely from the earth. In praying for them and asking this question, I really felt like the Lord said he was going to release the spirit of adoption through this man's life and death. Please take a minute to view their family blog and his vision for adopting many through the Josiah Fund. Consider giving to continue the spirit of adoption. Not everyone can practically adopt, but we are all called to care for the orphan... here's one practical way. <a href="http://www.louxfamilyblog.com/">www.louxfamilyblog.com</a> </div><div align="center">Please pray for this family. </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">My next post will be after OneThing! I'm going with great anticipation!</div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-15693116609706707682009-12-21T16:59:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.752-07:00SOS!!! Here's my distress call!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDMrr1-Tmea4XwhNQVCsRhTWdEfAZfKYcVPkNY94fdK6WRo5F-vJzY5cciDolqa0LgCFrlFmkmhZim_HhmOO9ejeeiAyRNSilZeo0PsfKEkA8M-zab3WhGhOapN0aBZFetiSgzQ5Fge9pq/s1600-h/untitled.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5417864538420472098" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 256px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDMrr1-Tmea4XwhNQVCsRhTWdEfAZfKYcVPkNY94fdK6WRo5F-vJzY5cciDolqa0LgCFrlFmkmhZim_HhmOO9ejeeiAyRNSilZeo0PsfKEkA8M-zab3WhGhOapN0aBZFetiSgzQ5Fge9pq/s400/untitled.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">I might be slightly over-dramatic with the SOS. BUT, I have been insanely busy. Can't lie, I actually contemplated where I might find some <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Prozac</span> to crush into my coffee! :) I feel like I have been so stressed and overloaded. I need to be out of my house in 2 weeks, where I am moving has had some major issues, so what started out as small remodeling has truly turned into gutting most of the house <span style="font-size:85%;">(if you have skills with <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">electricity</span> or plumbing and want to help, I won't refuse :).</span> </div><div align="center">So, the house will likely not be ready when I need to be out which means suitcase living for a while WITH TWO TODDLERS! If that weren't already enough, I also have been planning for months to go to a conference in Kansas City, MO for four days. So I have to get through packing, the holidays, a conference (which will be an oasis to my soul!) and moving all in two weeks. In the midst of so much to do and so much going on, I haven't been getting enough sleep and I haven't been spending enough time with the Lord. I also have been having to go through all of our personal stuff with loads of memories attached. I think my grief has also turned into stress at this point and I'm so spent. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I'm posting this with a HUGE prayer request. Please pray for me that my eyes would stay set on Him. I know this will all be over in a short while, but right now I am so overwhelmed. Pray against attack from the enemy and protection for my kids. Our schedule chaos has to be hard for them too. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>The REALLY amazing thing to me is how much and obviously it affects me when I haven't spent time letting my heart gaze on the One who loves me and holds all things in His hand. I love that even in my totally stressed mode, I am so aware that the ONE THING that I really need is to spend some time with Jesus. The thing that so shocks me now is that for many, many years the majority of my Christian experience was void of sitting at His feet and really getting in the Word. I <em>love</em> that I miss the kiss of the Word on my soul. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div align="center">Thanks for praying! </div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-18479572924401232402009-12-15T10:50:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.761-07:002009 in Review<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR_kLrvoGlDG2Yiu4fEaX0ogj7tn4JqoToLy_xc4Ie54l61l1S_fuwbVLjI-WvS0IhbUUqMk3DASpnK-7Gcs-aEO4a7zb7kJuCLAJsklmLeTlR_zKxl2lFc7tovkdfVfRLCVNqHmkQyUiA/s1600-h/kids+aug+09-1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5415540453592928802" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 430px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 144px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR_kLrvoGlDG2Yiu4fEaX0ogj7tn4JqoToLy_xc4Ie54l61l1S_fuwbVLjI-WvS0IhbUUqMk3DASpnK-7Gcs-aEO4a7zb7kJuCLAJsklmLeTlR_zKxl2lFc7tovkdfVfRLCVNqHmkQyUiA/s400/kids+aug+09-1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center">We’ve been through much in the past year and by the grace of God and the prayers of believers we survived. Honestly, in some ways, we even thrived. I know that isn’t the norm for most in our circumstances to say…it has truly been grace upon grace for us. </div><br /><div align="center"><br />Eliya just celebrated her 3rd birthday last month. She is a ‘big girl’ now and doesn’t understand why her new status doesn’t entitle her to drive & drink coffee ;) Simeon is almost 20 months old. He is sweet, snuggly and fun. He’s starting to show more independence; which is bittersweet for Momma. I am very thankful for them. They have kept me very busy and distracted. Diapers still have to be changed and kids fed; even if there is a hard day. One of many verses this past year that has sustained my life has been Psalm 73:25, 26,28a. It says “Whom have I in heaven but You, and besides You on the earth I desire nothing. My heart and my flesh may fail, but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever. As for me, the nearness of God is my good.”</div><br /><div align="center"><br />There are some new things since this time last year. Scott and I were part of a house of prayer getting started. He never got to come as our “open” date was set for the day he passed away. A couple of us have pressed through though and it has been the biggest blessing. Personally, to have a place set apart for worship, intercession and dwelling in the presence of God has truly been a healing balm to my soul. Also, I believe that it is God’s will and our destiny to partner with Him in intercession and we’ve been crying out for salvation and freedom for our region. I had been teaching English as a second language to adults, and loved doing that, but God clearly was calling me to the house of prayer. Now I am at the house of prayer in place of the hours I had been working part-time. God has faithfully been providing for our needs and showing Himself to be a Husband and a Father. One of the many ways He has been faithful is that I was having some roadblocks in trying to refinance the house I am in and in the meantime the renter of a house we own in the next city over moved out. That mortgage is less so I wondered if that was the Lord’s leading and setting that up. I prayed and called the realtor. I told her I could only afford to wait 60 days to see if this house would sell (because I’d have the other mortgage too) and we listed it. Day 6 on the market a guy came to see it and wanted it. Now it is a little over 3 weeks in and we signed the deal this week and we’ll be moving the first week of January! </div><br /><div align="center"><br />Between the house of prayer, kids…and now packing to move; I stay pretty busy.<br />Thank you for your love, support and prayers over this past year. The hands and feet of Jesus have been evident in innumerable and unimaginable ways this past year.<br />Grace and peace to you! </div><br /><div align="center">Love, Jennifer, Eliya and Simeon Mason</div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-81419149324006150952009-12-04T05:31:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.821-07:00One Year<div align="center"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ThtcsqmzbjJpGUhELsR0RDSHGIWIP6yTOUyKVxQ4vNaHsfavfnt3e-4tVCaoLOQJCCIZmLhK9pWBGdSbGQRQXPXbhaQSv7kS1s86JuuUW8WbuUyt1Fnv8a7c5BbMrOJLcn2GODGyzhEh/s1600-h/scott-1.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5411398996834536706" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 176px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 282px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8ThtcsqmzbjJpGUhELsR0RDSHGIWIP6yTOUyKVxQ4vNaHsfavfnt3e-4tVCaoLOQJCCIZmLhK9pWBGdSbGQRQXPXbhaQSv7kS1s86JuuUW8WbuUyt1Fnv8a7c5BbMrOJLcn2GODGyzhEh/s400/scott-1.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Let me start by saying I can't think of a time I have ever been filled with so many opposing emotions. I hate that the one year mark is a looming, black date that reminds you <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">every time</span> you look at the calendar. In some ways I wish that I lived in the middle of the jungle somewhere where time is only measured in seasons. Obviously, that's not the case. It came and went and in some ways I'm glad to be past December 2<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">nd</span></span>.<br /><br />The great conflict in emotions is the battle between the flesh and the spirit. My heart is greatly saddened as I remember the sweet, gentle, loving, funny man I committed my life to. The other side of the bed being empty every night and watching my daughter when she hears another child talk about their daddy are sharp reminders. The conflict comes when I think about how awesome and incredible it is for Scott to be in the presence of God, of love, the fullness of His presence, the fullness of joy. There is absence of pain, absence of striving. It's a little like hide-and-seek when you find the prize. Scott found a measure of all of this in part on earth, but now he knows as he is fully known. There aren't even human words to describe the glory of God and on this side of eternity we can't begin to comprehend what it's like for us to be in the fullness of the Presence of God. The same presence that the four living creatures in Revelation 4:8 do not cease day and night saying, "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY is the Lord God, The Almighty who was and is and is to come." Such glory, beauty and holiness that for eternity they never tire of looking at Him and discovering the depths of The Creator, the uncreated One.<br /><br />When I set my heart and mind on THIS God, and THIS reality for Scott. I'm not sad, a little jealous, but not sad. There are still difficult things that his absence leaves; emotionally empty places that I have to continue to look to the Lord for, praying with everything in me that I will be able to be what my kids need and point them to God who is a father to the fatherless, decisions that I have to make about day to day life. I continue to lean on Jesus. I know He is true, He is right, His word endures forever. He is unchanging. His promises are good. He is a husband, a father, a savior, a friend. All of my hope is in Him.<br />( Ps 19:9, 1Pet 1:25, Heb 13:8, Heb 10:23, Isa 54:5, Ps 68:5, Isa 43:11, Rom 15:13)<br /><br />So, even though this time is bittersweet and accompanied with pain and tears, I am remembering the best parts of Scott and our life together and will keep my eyes on Jesus, the one who started and perfects my faith. </div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-28071859383268433972009-11-22T20:49:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.829-07:00"How is it REALLY?"I got to go to a house concert tonight to hear two of my favorite people play. Karla Adolphe and Eric <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Kilgore</span>. Eric is local and it was at his house. They shared some of their songs and hearts with about 20 of us there. Karla and her husband Gary said they have been asking that question a lot. The question is, how is it really. How is it through Kingdom mind and Jesus' eyes? Eric shared a little about when Lazarus was sick and and his sisters, Martha and Mary, sent word to Jesus that the one that He loved was sick. Jesus said that the sickness would not end in death. Well, the story in John 11: 1-44, tells us that Jesus remained where He was for 2 more days and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Larazus</span> DID die. Jesus went to Bethany and it says that when Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet Him, but Mary stayed at home. I literally feel sadness and pain in this story as I wonder what was going on in her mind and heart that she knew Jesus was coming and chose to stay behind. Verse 2 of this story says THIS Mary was the same one who poured <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">perfume</span> on His feet and wiped it with her hair. She had a history with the Lord and in this hour of crisis and need, maybe she was offended at the Lord. Maybe she was angry. Maybe the pain seemed too great to even be in the presence of the One who knew everything about her. Maybe she was disappointed because her circumstances didn't turn out the way that she thought they would.<br /><br />In the natural, it seemed as though Jesus had let her down, broken His promise and maybe not even cared enough to respond sooner. Her anguish is evident in that when He called for her (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Jn</span> 11:28) she went to Him and fell at His feet and said if He had been there her brother wouldn't have died. Jesus was a real man with real emotions. Jesus wept at their pain from loss. Those watching said, "see how He loved him!" Others watching the same events said could this one who opened blind eyes not keep this man from dying. With the "How is it really" question in mind and the end of the story laid out for us... we know that Jesus didn't break any of His promises. After four days of being in the tomb, Lazarus rose from the dead at the command of Jesus.<br /><br />In my life and in my circumstance I am learning to lean heavily on how is it really. That specific way of stating the question is new to me, but not the concept. I have to REJECT the notion that I have to be able to use my five senses to believe in a God that I cannot see who sent a man that I have never met to die for me and pay for the wickedness of my own heart. It takes FAITH. Without faith it is impossible to please God. There have been many things in life that haven't gone the way I thought they would. I intentionally set my heart to the eternal and not just the part that is staring me in the face all day every day and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">assaulting</span> my senses. I choose to believe that God's word is supreme over any of my own thoughts or emotions concerning any topic. God is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8). God is not man that He should lie (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Num</span> 23:19). His Word is the measuring stick. His Spirit leads us into all truth. By God's grace, no matter what I walk through in this life, I will do it all the while with Jesus, staring at His face or lying at His feet, whatever I have to do just as long as it's with Him. I think it is so tempting or easy when we don't understand how to walk through pain with the Lord, to just shut it off and close that door. I don't know all the reasons why God didn't heal Scott... I know that He is able to do anything. I don't know why many other believers have to walk through painful experiences and loss. There are even those verses that seem to promise long life and goodness and it's hard to understand sometimes when our circumstances don't measure up how we think they should.<br /><br />If you are one who loves the Lord I just want you to ponder two encouragements, RUN TO HIM NOT AWAY FROM HIM. Let the Word and the Spirit be your Counsel. The Lord is good, He is loving in all His ways and kind in all of His deeds. He loves you. Your pain is not unnoticed by Him. He is the only one who can heal your heart. Search your heart and ask Him to reveal any offence at Him or incorrect view of who He is. Secondly, THIS IS MOMENTARY. This life is like a vapor. Here today and gone tomorrow. THAT is hope for the hurting. The physical tells me that my husband is dead and I'll never see Him again... this is reality, final and there is no hope. But the Word says that absent from the body means present with the Lord and there is life after death for those who are His. That means that Scott has only <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">preceded</span> me and his children to the presence of God in seconds. We already planned on that destination together, he just arrived a little earlier than I expected but I'm only 5 minutes behind. We're all only minutes behind in view of eternity. So I will walk different, I will live different, I will think different, I will see different. When my mind is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">assaulted</span> with the logic of the physical realm... I will ask the Lord, How is it really?!Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-88054391218824505332009-11-05T18:48:00.000-08:002010-05-30T20:46:39.837-07:00Major Oil Change<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi127PC8FP5VwuL-a8Dya_cWhIBjlntmQ15jHWNSC_HzSxwCdL3tRQ-MrifGoxY9FVVswU3vgBa0cLPExi5TMlOIWry5L41iorrWOtOjjC5z4o2pDMFXW3rFOj0I89U3hIo_XD6RuZ-DsbZ/s1600-h/oil.bmp"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400850964149858738" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 201px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 250px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi127PC8FP5VwuL-a8Dya_cWhIBjlntmQ15jHWNSC_HzSxwCdL3tRQ-MrifGoxY9FVVswU3vgBa0cLPExi5TMlOIWry5L41iorrWOtOjjC5z4o2pDMFXW3rFOj0I89U3hIo_XD6RuZ-DsbZ/s400/oil.bmp" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"></div><br /><div align="center">I'm not sure I can even adequately communicate what the Lord did today, but I will try. Today was very exciting. We expanded the <a href="http://thewellhop.org/">House of Prayer</a> hours and are now open from 9am to 9pm (12 WHOLE HOURS!) on Thursdays. It is so encouraging and exciting to have made such a big step forward. We are now "keeping the fire on the alter" for 15 hours a week! So this morning I woke up so excited about today. I have scheduled to be at The Well from 11-4. Within minutes of being there, the Lord suddenly began stirring my heart. I hadn't been emotional at all, and in His presence became weepy and wanted to confess sin. Literally, my Bible opened to Psalm 73 and I saw a verse I have thought of so many times, v25 "Whom have I in heaven but You, and besides You on the earth I desire nothing". It is a comfort and a challenge all in one. I HAVE Him, but I want to desire nothing but Him on this earth. He was already working in me. After maybe half an hour though, I looked at my watch and thought, "now what?". My mind was sort of reeling through all the things I needed to do, and the first thing was that oil change I had forgotten about several times in the past couple of weeks. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget, but hopefully not be distracted by it. It was just about then that the Lord said, "you are in for two oil changes today!". So I started thinking about oil changes :) It is extremely important to the life of the engine and it's purpose is to flush out of the impurities that collect in the oil and replace it with fresh, life giving, life sustaining oil.<br /><br />My mind started going to all of the biblical oil references I've heard over the years. I thought about Jesus having the oil of joy (Ps 45:7). I thought about the 10 virgins and their lamps (Mt 25: 1-13). I also thought about what it represents and how it was used. Oil was an expensive commodity in ancient days, it was used for cooking, medicine, cosmetic and as a lubricant among other things. It was used to anoint someone, to represent the Holy Spirit. It was also used to anoint things (Gen 28:18). Because of it's cost, when it was poured over something, it showed that thing was valued. When the Lord reveals His love and pours it out over me, over us... He is showing how valued we are. He anoints us with His presence and with His love. When we sit before Him and love Him in return, pouring out what little we have; we are reciprocating that love and saying YOU ARE VALUED MORE THAN ANYTHING, MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE!<br /><br />This alone was great today. I felt like there was (and still is) more that I need to understand that the Lord is trying to say about oil. A couple of hours after I had been pondering the oil, a friend brought me something someone had given her. It was an encouragement for the House of Prayer, but the Lord so pierced me to the heart. It was about the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7. She was widowed and in great need (her sons were soon to become slaves to pay off debt). She cried out to Elisha (a prophet) for help and he asked what she had in her house. She said "nothing at all...except a little oil". What she had was seemingly insignificant to her, but his instructions were to collect as many jars from neighbors as she could and to close the door behind her and pour her small quantity of oil until all of the jars were filled. Her small quantity of oil continued to pour out until she ran out of jars to pour it into. The sale of this oil paid her debts and supplied her needs. While I recognize this is a great word for our house of prayer (supply, anointing, etc.), personally this meant so much. Many have said oil also represents intimacy with the Lord. The house of prayer <a href="http://site.thewellhop.org/About.html">journey</a> began just before Scott passed away. I have entered into this very needy and broken without much to offer the Lord or anyone else. I came to His feet again and again because of great need and knowing He is the only one who can do anything for me. I identify very much with the widow in saying, "I have nothing at all... just a little oil". Oh the promise IS that as we pour our oil out before the Lord that it will multiply and fill many, many jars. Psalm 34:10 says The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.<br /><br />Oil is so important. We have to cultivate the oil of intimacy. We have to value the Lord enough to pour ourselves out in worship, devotion and prayer. It is NOT one sided. We are so valued by the Lord. He, who is UNcreated, Created because of love. He is spoken of as a husband and a father many times in the Bible, because we who are truly His, are in relationship with Him. I go to the prayer room with the intent to pour out all of my oil, and I end up coming home with more jars than I can carry! It's beautiful and wonderful to be in His presence and have Him fill you with fresh oil! I need more oil changes like today. Instead of every so many miles, it has to happen every so many hours!<br /><br />If you're wondering if I got that oil change in the natural (b/c it def. happened in the supernatural), I did. The guy told me about a new synthetic oil that doesn't break down and lasts for 15,000 miles. When he asked me if I wanted to try that kind, I was definitely over enthusiastic and said YES, I'LL TAKE IT!!! I thought about trying to explain my excitement about the better than synthetic oil I received from the Lord, but he was really busy ;)<br /><br />"Lord, flush us and give us fresh oil today and every day! You are so good. Reveal the true character, nature and love of God to us so we can rightly value that time with You. Draw us to Yourself, let us cultivate the oil of intimacy as we offer so little to You...You continue to multiply what we bring as You give us more of Yourself. Thank you Jesus!!"</div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-3874411798189409692009-10-25T20:55:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.846-07:00The beauty of dying leaves.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNUvtqLRF-RmgFaY-U-oJXDL7A0GPj_BXuA5Xl-aNBg64G121zaZUivGcTXmGbZjhtHmTtuBSthQUzdY_SUmVwFDgLLkYBGvBPcSsOzy6zU2_4ejB2KpaebOEcIgE39UHXtD41s-0x11u/s1600-h/DSCF3055.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396754534861207474" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 310px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXNUvtqLRF-RmgFaY-U-oJXDL7A0GPj_BXuA5Xl-aNBg64G121zaZUivGcTXmGbZjhtHmTtuBSthQUzdY_SUmVwFDgLLkYBGvBPcSsOzy6zU2_4ejB2KpaebOEcIgE39UHXtD41s-0x11u/s400/DSCF3055.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDKdUzn2AmZBk30QV5FWU5yDYE9gX28Omqtj9fAm5jOPJEx0T5z88hFYJ4RzYdRiGM1xxtz45vBGx1Wd65lzsxUwFtOOKgwkTkwQMoHQGHIn8ri4VL9jskvmfjeAMZ1bxCBcAtAWLUQBgi/s1600-h/dt.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396753960055643378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDKdUzn2AmZBk30QV5FWU5yDYE9gX28Omqtj9fAm5jOPJEx0T5z88hFYJ4RzYdRiGM1xxtz45vBGx1Wd65lzsxUwFtOOKgwkTkwQMoHQGHIn8ri4VL9jskvmfjeAMZ1bxCBcAtAWLUQBgi/s320/dt.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmO-lG9qfNJa3XJGnsGftq63KHuHFUlqiZhajT1nddmpGwVmgNhJ6CaG9OFztXoQLmUHtWdF2mJil7qaqoMv8qFxFkPHM0mzRQt56C8rkUo2r4nG2LNlrolS3mK6gqUZWP6GBxqvFo_5wg/s1600-h/yellow+orange.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396753958928313922" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 199px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmO-lG9qfNJa3XJGnsGftq63KHuHFUlqiZhajT1nddmpGwVmgNhJ6CaG9OFztXoQLmUHtWdF2mJil7qaqoMv8qFxFkPHM0mzRQt56C8rkUo2r4nG2LNlrolS3mK6gqUZWP6GBxqvFo_5wg/s320/yellow+orange.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><div><div><div><div><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvLbryTxIPi4XZCYV9cVejE3YxRU_XOVBEiHJJocP5h9YroOa5Kb4Zm8Esrkv_VcZZ9h-zgv3AGM06Q6YBI6bkGiB0YCO1S8YZ5-HMwTP08NSXJRo54X5IkzUVWk3frB8mm-83JC6JN6p/s1600-h/DSCF3041.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396752847783137442" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFvLbryTxIPi4XZCYV9cVejE3YxRU_XOVBEiHJJocP5h9YroOa5Kb4Zm8Esrkv_VcZZ9h-zgv3AGM06Q6YBI6bkGiB0YCO1S8YZ5-HMwTP08NSXJRo54X5IkzUVWk3frB8mm-83JC6JN6p/s320/DSCF3041.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br />God is downloading so many thoughts these last few days/weeks that I feel like I am struggling to keep up. I love it. The biggest thing is that I have a real burden for the lost, I have been asking God for salvation in this region a lot. I have also been confronted with the immeasurable, unsearchable vastness that God is, and my small vision of Him. I am longing for a faith in action, a life of abandoned surrender to God in all of these things. With each revelation of the Word, each new conviction, burden, and vision... He is asking for more of me. He is answering prayers! I am saying MORE Lord, and He responds with asking that I lay my life (comforts, time, finances, dreams/goals etc) down more and more, with the promise of more of Him. I'm not sure if any of that makes sense, but for a short post, I wanted to say that today when I was seeing all of the beautiful fall colors I thought, it's so God to make the leaves the most beautiful as they are dying. When we lay our lives down for Him, His Kingdom, His purpose, His glory, His people... that's when He is the most beautiful IN us... as we are dying. </div><div> </div><div>Lord, let Your splendor and majesty be on display in my life as I learn what it is to lay it down. "He is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him." (John Piper)... and He is all satisfying!</div><div> </div><div>John 12:24-26 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him."<br /><br />2 Cor 4:10 "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."<br /><br /><br /><br /></div><div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-32532435546127089362009-10-08T09:59:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.862-07:00You will be My witnesses!My world is being rocked right now! Peter- "Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, The Christ appointed for you, whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things." (Acts 3:19-21) NOW LORD, GRANT THAT YOUR SERVANTS MAY SPEAK YOUR WORD WITH BOLDNESS! <br /><br />In Acts 2 Peter declared who Jesus is, His death and resurrection. His position exalted to the right hand of God, the promise of the Holy Spirit... That God made Jesus both Lord and Christ. When the people heard this testimony of Jesus, THEY WERE PIERCED TO THE HEART! 3,000 were saved for ETERNITY. I am so pierced to the heart right now. I believe there is an eternity. Life for those who follow Jesus, and death (in hell) for those who don't. The gap between my "beliefs" and my actions HAS to close. If I want to love like Jesus, I will pray, look and ask Him for opportunities to make HIM known.<br /><br />I will believe that in my weakness and with weak words that He will make Himself known. I believe that the Holy Spirit can use me to pierce people to the heart and change the course of their present life and their eternal destiny. LORD GIVE ME ONE TODAY... One that I can share who you are that does not know You. One today, one tomorrow, one the next day. Even if I do this 100 times before someone believes and is changed... it will be worth it. I lay down my life, my reputation, fear of the opinion of man, because You are worth it! Give me REAL compassion and love for the lost. The example that I've heard before is if a house is burning down and the people inside are sleeping, wouldn't you wake them?? Who would say, well, it's their choice, I don't want to meddle. Thank You Jesus that in 1996, someone meddled in MY life and it led to my salvation. <br /><br />If you do follow the Lord and know you "should" believe in heaven and hell but feel apathy towards the lost... begin by asking Him for passion and compassion for the lost. Ask Him for a revelation of what we have been saved from and Who we have been saved to; Jesus Christ (and the Love of God, peace which passes understanding, a new nature, new heart, new mind, purpose, LIFE... to name a few). Get in the Word until it transforms You. We must renew our minds and hearts until they come in line with the Word. I'm excited about the Word being more alive in me today than yesterday. <br /><br />Pray for me as I try to keep up with what He is burning in my heart. I don't want to be just a hearer or the Word but a doer!<br /><br />Things are about to get crazy... and I think I like it!Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-82809393788656475842009-10-05T18:33:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.870-07:00Pressing InUGH! That is the word to sum up the present battle. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I really feel like I am on the verge of break through in some significant ways. The Creator of my soul is calling and inviting me into something real, yet unknown. There are moments that I feel like I am on the edge of the cliff (exhilarated and abandoned to Him)... and then there are days, like today, where it's as though there is a dull lethargy over my entire being. On days like today, I feel like prayer, worshipping and getting in the Word feel more like walking through quicksand than abiding. <br /><br />I really want the "more". The secret place in God that although available to all that are His, few press into that place and seek unto the finding. I will resist complacency. Even though I fail repetitively, I will not grow weary of the pursuit; because the One I pursue, never grows weary of my failing. His delights in the chase and He loves me in my weakness. How awesome is Your kindness and Your unfailing love. <br /><br />So let us know, let us <strong><em>press on</em></strong> to know the LORD His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth. Leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us <strong><em>press on</em></strong> to maturity. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. <span style="font-size:85%;">(Hosea 6:3, Hebrews 6:1, Philippians 3:12)</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">There is a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9zGDeLUMlI">Misty Edwards song (Always on His Mind)</a> that has a bridge that says, "How far will you let me go? How abandoned will you let me be?" I recently felt like God was challenging, even provoking me, "How much is enough, how little of Me are you willing to settle for? How long will you ask, seek and knock? How small is your vision of how deep you can go?" A few days later I heard that part of that song and so felt like those were the perfect words to communicate a response to Him. How far will You let me go and how abandoned will You let me be?! </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">He gives me 4 ounces more of Himself, but increases my appetite to 12 ounces. Then He gives me 8 ounces... and increases my capacity to 20 ounces. With increased revelation of Jesus, the desire for more and the discontent with things the way they have always been happens simultaneously. </span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Shake off Lethargy, Refuse Complacency, and Let's Press In!</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-71679716485192925062009-09-23T20:16:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.897-07:00He RestoresI have found myself thinking about Scott a lot lately. I expect to miss him more around some significant dates or events, but this time... I just miss him. Seriously, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">sauteing</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">vegetables</span> made me think of him and opened a floodgate? When I put things like this out there for anyone to see, I feel slightly <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">vulnerable</span>. I keep thinking of how interested, especially in the beginning, I was of how other people in my circumstances were at different stages in their grief journey. I guess I felt like it could be a map to show where some had gone, or to validate where I was or how I felt. Although grief is completely different for every person, I still write with the hope that someone who IS in my circumstances will benefit. My biggest hope is that they would be encouraged to lean into the Lord and not away from Him.<br /><br /><br /><br />With these images and memories playing in my mind more these last few days; it is a mixed blessing. It exposes the wound, but surely brings healing to a certain degree too. Although there is pain, I know joy comes in the morning. When I call out to Him, He responds. When I cry, He collects my tears. When my heart is broken, He is the balm that heals. So Lord, I thank You for the mixed blessings of pain that accompanies sweet memories, because in it, I find You everywhere I look. I believe He makes all things work together for my good. I know He heals and restores.<br /><br /><br /><br />I can't help but think that this song posted below is so appropriate for so many. We often walk around with wounded hearts that are heavy with disappointment. Many times in my life before this, things didn't turn out the way I thought they would. Now that I am <strong>not</strong> in a position to run to something else to distract and temporarily fill, I find Him<em> restoring</em>. I pray that if there are any areas in your life that you have been diligently protecting from God and yourself, that they would be revealed. Those things that pain your heart when you think of them, but seem best just left alone. I really think everytime I hear this song, He restores just a little more and He heals just a little deeper. I hope it's the same for you.<br /><br /><br /><br />This song is called Restoration. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LcyQOLVS_U">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LcyQOLVS_U</a>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-6324956085661242872009-09-19T20:05:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.906-07:00I can't help but love Him<div align="center">I was blessed to go to a College of Prayer module this weekend. I just love their hearts for equipping and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">discipling</span> leaders in the U.S. and abroad. I stayed with a girl who happened to be house-sitting, so I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">didn</span>’t actually meet the couple whose house I stayed in. On the wall in the den, the wife had this thing made to honor her husband for their 29<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span> wedding anniversary. It was so sweet. It went from when they met and how they had grown together through life. She honored him for how he fathered their children, how he ministered faithfully to the Lord. She told him how much she enjoyed him and how that only increased as the years progressed. I just thought it was so overwhelmingly incredible that they had such a long and wonderful legacy together. At the end, she signed it “the girl in the blue sweater”. I imagined that is how he remembered her from their first encounter. In the middle of deep and genuine appreciation for their love and legacy, I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">couldn</span>’t help but feel that pang of sadness over my own love story having been shortened. Not even 30 seconds after this pang in my heart came, the Holy Spirit spoke over me. </div><div align="center"><br />“I have been writing our love story since before you were a formed substance in your mother’s womb. Even then, I knew you. I have loved you and have drawn you in with my love. I am your beloved and my thoughts toward you are many and immeasurable…they outnumber the sand.”</div><div align="center"><br />I love how He is so tender and gentle with me. A friend and I were recently talking and she, like many of my friends, is amazing, godly, beautiful …and single. She told me that she was asking the Lord if He had forgotten her as many of her friends and family have moved into the wife and mother roles. She and I have both read “The Pursuit of God” many times and she reminded me of a beautiful part of that book. </div><div align="center"><br />“When the Lord divided Canaan among the tribes of Israel Levi received no share of the land. God said to him simply, ‘I am thy part and thine inheritance,’ and by those words made him richer than all his brethren… and there is a spiritual principle here, a principle still valid for every priest of the Most High God”. </div><div align="center"><br />He really is our portion and inheritance. How beautiful and blessed am I (are we) that the creator God of the universe goes through such great lengths to communicate His love. Not only that He loves me, but He is passionate about me. His love for me is as strong as death! He is jealous for me. </div><div align="center"><br />In moments like these, where He speaks into the depths of my heart; I can’t help but love Him and want more of Him. He continually increases my desire so that He can fill it to capacity and then make it a little bigger. I love this prayer from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Tozer</span>: “Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more… I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed.”</div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-36254567762349252262009-09-16T21:46:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.915-07:00Therefore I have hope<div align="center">Last night at The Well (the house of prayer I have the privilege to be a part of) there was a strong sense of intimacy and intercession. Oh the pleasure of the Lord over us, as we weakly cried out for more of Him, was so evident. I left so full, knowing I had feasted on the very presence of the Lord. I woke this morning with a great wave of discouragement over me. Some of the emotions and insecurities that widowhood/singleness bring were assaulting me. It was frustrating because I recognized it as an attack from the enemy. Those aren’t valid insecurities. Most insecurity is rooted in fear and perfect love casts out all fear. I know the One who is Love Himself. There were a few hours of that frustrated, not yet free of it, crying out to the Lord and trying to talk myself out of, or through the muck, but I wasn’t terribly successful. <br />I love that there are REAL examples of people who struggled in the Bible. It’s crazy to me that I can go from feeling so completely full and content in the Lord, to an onslaught that threatens to bring me down in less than 24 hours. In that, nothing of the Lord changed, only my emotions did. IHOP Atlanta’s Billy Humphrey recently did two sermons on Healing the Soul (GREAT and free on iTunes). He mentioned a few of these examples of godly people (a prophet, a king, and the worship leader in the Tabernacle of David) who really hit lows and how they leaned into the Lord to get themselves out of the pit. </div><div align="center"><br />One of my favorites of these examples was Jeremiah. For 25 years he prophesied the destruction of their homeland and that they would be taken into captivity and in Lamentations he finds himself in the ruins of the city. Seeing his prophecy fulfilled and in this state of extreme sadness, he says of God He has broken my bones and walled me in. He shuts out my prayers. He’s like a bear waiting to attack me. He bent His bow and has made me the target. My soul has been rejected, my strength has perished and so has my hope from the Lord. If that isn’t a clear picture of how discouraged we can become! I have often thought that the enemy’s usual method of attack on me is to help me forget the truth of who God is and what He has done in my life. I begin to think, does God hear me at all, does He see?… does He torture me for fun? It’s crazy, but in the moment and with the aid of the enemy of my soul who roams around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour whispering the lies into my soul, this is what happens. <br />Jeremiah then says in Lamentations 3:20-24 “Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to m mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion’ says my soul, ‘Therefore, I have hope in Him.’”<br />I know that after Scott passed away, my one great source of strength and encouragement was that God had not changed. He was the same the day before the accident and He would forever be the same. He was still loving and good. I have learned that my emotions are SO unreliable. The Word of the Lord endures forever though. Knowing the tactic of the enemy, I was able to get away for a little bit today and get in the Word. I heard a Hillsong song that has been in my iPod for months now, but I hadn’t really listened to it before. Here are part of the lyrics: </div><div align="center"> </div><div align="center">I have nothing more than all You offer me</div><div align="center">There is nothing else that’s of worth to me</div><div align="center">And I love You Lord</div><div align="center">You rescued me</div><div align="center">You are all that I want</div><div align="center">You’re all that I need</div><div align="center"><br />Those words so worked in me that reminder; that He is good and He is everything that I want and need. I have mentioned this verse a few times before, but it is one of my favorites and is powerful. Psalm 73:25-26 “Whom have I in heaven but You and besides You on the earth I desire nothing, my flesh and my heart may fail, but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” I think to some, this might be a depressing verse, but for me it is the prayer of my life. No matter what circumstances I am in, I want to desire Him above all else and realize that He is my everything. Job 13:15 says though He slay me, yet I will trust Him. When I am in the Spirit, I can trust Him completely! I have learned to recognize more quickly what is happening and what I need to do to get out of it. Today, where the enemy attempted to weaken me, the Lord has so strengthened me. “Therefore I have hope, Great is Your faithfulness!”</div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9167287502949655278.post-23915139252560412332009-09-09T22:11:00.000-07:002010-05-30T20:46:39.927-07:00I Want to See God!<div align="center">This morning Eliya said, “Mama, why do you do this” and she closed her eyes and scrunched up her face. I asked her what in the world she was talking about. She said the same thing (which is normal, when I don’t understand what she means, she repeats it in the exact same way which normally isn't very helpful), “Mama, why do you do this” and again closed her eyes and scrunched her face. I then realized that I had been singing a song and apparently made a contorted face! I started laughing, of course, but I thought this is a great opportunity for teaching. I asked her if she could see God. She gave me a blank stare, so I said “where is Jesus, can you see Him with your eyes?” she pointed to my heart. I was pierced with both the amazing amount of spiritual insight a child less than 3 can have, and also the weight of how I walk out my faith before my child.<br /><br />I have been pondering this topic of purity and holiness recently. Matthew 5:8 says “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God”. I was thinking about Moses of which was said, “the LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, just as a man speaks to his friend”. When Moses cried out to see the glory of the Lord, the Lord answered Him and permitted it (Ex 33). I have really been putting myself in the place of pursuit after God. I have found more of Him, but I know there is infinitely more to find. I love this from the book The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer "All our lives long we might talk of Jesus, and yet we should never come to an end of the sweet things that might be said of Him. Eternity will not be long enough to learn all He is, or to praise Him for all He has done, but then, that matters not; for we shall be always with Him and we shall desire nothing more.” not; for we shall be always with Him, and we desire nothing more." -Tozer, The Pursuit of God<br /><br />In my asking the Lord to reveal more of Himself to me, He has responded by calling me to holiness. I was pretty convicted about entertaining myself by watching things with characters whose story lines show sin as acceptable and good. I compare what I set before my eyes by how bad it is compared to other shows, movies etc., or even worse, I justify it because it only alludes to sexual immorality, etc. I recently heard someone say “how can we cry out in prayer against injustice and sin and ask the Lord to purify His bride when we are make these exceptions and are entertaining ourselves with sin?” I started studying holiness and there are so many verses on the topic! It’s important to Jesus. He wants a mature bride. When I thought of the specific show that I love so much, I really didn’t want to give it up. The struggle with this in the flesh made me sick. It showed how much I love the world. Don’t get me wrong, this issue wasn’t solely about the show… it was about obedience and desiring Him above passing pleasures. I couldn’t believe my hesitancy and struggle; more of Jesus or a few laughs that won’t ever bear fruit? Oh but the rewards to obedience are intimacy. Paul said to the Ephesians that we (the church, His bride) should be holy and blameless before Him in love; so that the church would be without spot or wrinkle. This morning I woke up and read again Matthew 5:8 the pure in heart shall see God. The Lord then gave me Psalm 24: 3-5 “Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his should to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. He shall receive a blessing from the Lord and righteousness from the God of his salvation.” This pursuit of holiness has to be rooted in and motivated by love or else it becomes Pharisaical legalism. I am so convinced that there is nothing He could ask me to lay down that I would miss when I am in His presence. I have set my gaze on the face of Jesus and fully intend to be one of those He calls His friend. Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord (Heb 12:14).<br /><br />I love this song called "I Will Waste My Life" by Misty Edwards Here is the Youtube link: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUSIcgRlHk0">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUSIcgRlHk0</a><br /><br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IUSIcgRlHk0&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><br /><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IUSIcgRlHk0&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></div>Jennifer Hensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13486695417207520193noreply@blogger.com1