Major Oil Change

I'm not sure I can even adequately communicate what the Lord did today, but I will try. Today was very exciting. We expanded the House of Prayer hours and are now open from 9am to 9pm (12 WHOLE HOURS!) on Thursdays. It is so encouraging and exciting to have made such a big step forward. We are now "keeping the fire on the alter" for 15 hours a week! So this morning I woke up so excited about today. I have scheduled to be at The Well from 11-4. Within minutes of being there, the Lord suddenly began stirring my heart. I hadn't been emotional at all, and in His presence became weepy and wanted to confess sin. Literally, my Bible opened to Psalm 73 and I saw a verse I have thought of so many times, v25 "Whom have I in heaven but You, and besides You on the earth I desire nothing". It is a comfort and a challenge all in one. I HAVE Him, but I want to desire nothing but Him on this earth. He was already working in me. After maybe half an hour though, I looked at my watch and thought, "now what?". My mind was sort of reeling through all the things I needed to do, and the first thing was that oil change I had forgotten about several times in the past couple of weeks. I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget, but hopefully not be distracted by it. It was just about then that the Lord said, "you are in for two oil changes today!". So I started thinking about oil changes :) It is extremely important to the life of the engine and it's purpose is to flush out of the impurities that collect in the oil and replace it with fresh, life giving, life sustaining oil.

My mind started going to all of the biblical oil references I've heard over the years. I thought about Jesus having the oil of joy (Ps 45:7). I thought about the 10 virgins and their lamps (Mt 25: 1-13). I also thought about what it represents and how it was used. Oil was an expensive commodity in ancient days, it was used for cooking, medicine, cosmetic and as a lubricant among other things. It was used to anoint someone, to represent the Holy Spirit. It was also used to anoint things (Gen 28:18). Because of it's cost, when it was poured over something, it showed that thing was valued. When the Lord reveals His love and pours it out over me, over us... He is showing how valued we are. He anoints us with His presence and with His love. When we sit before Him and love Him in return, pouring out what little we have; we are reciprocating that love and saying YOU ARE VALUED MORE THAN ANYTHING, MORE THAN EVERYTHING ELSE!

This alone was great today. I felt like there was (and still is) more that I need to understand that the Lord is trying to say about oil. A couple of hours after I had been pondering the oil, a friend brought me something someone had given her. It was an encouragement for the House of Prayer, but the Lord so pierced me to the heart. It was about the widow in 2 Kings 4:1-7. She was widowed and in great need (her sons were soon to become slaves to pay off debt). She cried out to Elisha (a prophet) for help and he asked what she had in her house. She said "nothing at all...except a little oil". What she had was seemingly insignificant to her, but his instructions were to collect as many jars from neighbors as she could and to close the door behind her and pour her small quantity of oil until all of the jars were filled. Her small quantity of oil continued to pour out until she ran out of jars to pour it into. The sale of this oil paid her debts and supplied her needs. While I recognize this is a great word for our house of prayer (supply, anointing, etc.), personally this meant so much. Many have said oil also represents intimacy with the Lord. The house of prayer journey began just before Scott passed away. I have entered into this very needy and broken without much to offer the Lord or anyone else. I came to His feet again and again because of great need and knowing He is the only one who can do anything for me. I identify very much with the widow in saying, "I have nothing at all... just a little oil". Oh the promise IS that as we pour our oil out before the Lord that it will multiply and fill many, many jars. Psalm 34:10 says The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.

Oil is so important. We have to cultivate the oil of intimacy. We have to value the Lord enough to pour ourselves out in worship, devotion and prayer. It is NOT one sided. We are so valued by the Lord. He, who is UNcreated, Created because of love. He is spoken of as a husband and a father many times in the Bible, because we who are truly His, are in relationship with Him. I go to the prayer room with the intent to pour out all of my oil, and I end up coming home with more jars than I can carry! It's beautiful and wonderful to be in His presence and have Him fill you with fresh oil! I need more oil changes like today. Instead of every so many miles, it has to happen every so many hours!

If you're wondering if I got that oil change in the natural (b/c it def. happened in the supernatural), I did. The guy told me about a new synthetic oil that doesn't break down and lasts for 15,000 miles. When he asked me if I wanted to try that kind, I was definitely over enthusiastic and said YES, I'LL TAKE IT!!! I thought about trying to explain my excitement about the better than synthetic oil I received from the Lord, but he was really busy ;)

"Lord, flush us and give us fresh oil today and every day! You are so good. Reveal the true character, nature and love of God to us so we can rightly value that time with You. Draw us to Yourself, let us cultivate the oil of intimacy as we offer so little to You...You continue to multiply what we bring as You give us more of Yourself. Thank you Jesus!!"

The beauty of dying leaves.

God is downloading so many thoughts these last few days/weeks that I feel like I am struggling to keep up. I love it. The biggest thing is that I have a real burden for the lost, I have been asking God for salvation in this region a lot. I have also been confronted with the immeasurable, unsearchable vastness that God is, and my small vision of Him. I am longing for a faith in action, a life of abandoned surrender to God in all of these things. With each revelation of the Word, each new conviction, burden, and vision... He is asking for more of me. He is answering prayers! I am saying MORE Lord, and He responds with asking that I lay my life (comforts, time, finances, dreams/goals etc) down more and more, with the promise of more of Him. I'm not sure if any of that makes sense, but for a short post, I wanted to say that today when I was seeing all of the beautiful fall colors I thought, it's so God to make the leaves the most beautiful as they are dying. When we lay our lives down for Him, His Kingdom, His purpose, His glory, His people... that's when He is the most beautiful IN us... as we are dying.

Lord, let Your splendor and majesty be on display in my life as I learn what it is to lay it down. "He is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him." (John Piper)... and He is all satisfying!

John 12:24-26 "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him."

2 Cor 4:10 "We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

You will be My witnesses!

My world is being rocked right now! Peter- "Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, The Christ appointed for you, whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things." (Acts 3:19-21) NOW LORD, GRANT THAT YOUR SERVANTS MAY SPEAK YOUR WORD WITH BOLDNESS!

In Acts 2 Peter declared who Jesus is, His death and resurrection. His position exalted to the right hand of God, the promise of the Holy Spirit... That God made Jesus both Lord and Christ. When the people heard this testimony of Jesus, THEY WERE PIERCED TO THE HEART! 3,000 were saved for ETERNITY. I am so pierced to the heart right now. I believe there is an eternity. Life for those who follow Jesus, and death (in hell) for those who don't. The gap between my "beliefs" and my actions HAS to close. If I want to love like Jesus, I will pray, look and ask Him for opportunities to make HIM known.

I will believe that in my weakness and with weak words that He will make Himself known. I believe that the Holy Spirit can use me to pierce people to the heart and change the course of their present life and their eternal destiny. LORD GIVE ME ONE TODAY... One that I can share who you are that does not know You. One today, one tomorrow, one the next day. Even if I do this 100 times before someone believes and is changed... it will be worth it. I lay down my life, my reputation, fear of the opinion of man, because You are worth it! Give me REAL compassion and love for the lost. The example that I've heard before is if a house is burning down and the people inside are sleeping, wouldn't you wake them?? Who would say, well, it's their choice, I don't want to meddle. Thank You Jesus that in 1996, someone meddled in MY life and it led to my salvation.

If you do follow the Lord and know you "should" believe in heaven and hell but feel apathy towards the lost... begin by asking Him for passion and compassion for the lost. Ask Him for a revelation of what we have been saved from and Who we have been saved to; Jesus Christ (and the Love of God, peace which passes understanding, a new nature, new heart, new mind, purpose, LIFE... to name a few). Get in the Word until it transforms You. We must renew our minds and hearts until they come in line with the Word. I'm excited about the Word being more alive in me today than yesterday.

Pray for me as I try to keep up with what He is burning in my heart. I don't want to be just a hearer or the Word but a doer!

Things are about to get crazy... and I think I like it!

Pressing In

UGH! That is the word to sum up the present battle. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I really feel like I am on the verge of break through in some significant ways. The Creator of my soul is calling and inviting me into something real, yet unknown. There are moments that I feel like I am on the edge of the cliff (exhilarated and abandoned to Him)... and then there are days, like today, where it's as though there is a dull lethargy over my entire being. On days like today, I feel like prayer, worshipping and getting in the Word feel more like walking through quicksand than abiding.

I really want the "more". The secret place in God that although available to all that are His, few press into that place and seek unto the finding. I will resist complacency. Even though I fail repetitively, I will not grow weary of the pursuit; because the One I pursue, never grows weary of my failing. His delights in the chase and He loves me in my weakness. How awesome is Your kindness and Your unfailing love.

So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD His going forth is as certain as the dawn; and He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth. Leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. (Hosea 6:3, Hebrews 6:1, Philippians 3:12)

There is a Misty Edwards song (Always on His Mind) that has a bridge that says, "How far will you let me go? How abandoned will you let me be?" I recently felt like God was challenging, even provoking me, "How much is enough, how little of Me are you willing to settle for? How long will you ask, seek and knock? How small is your vision of how deep you can go?" A few days later I heard that part of that song and so felt like those were the perfect words to communicate a response to Him. How far will You let me go and how abandoned will You let me be?!

He gives me 4 ounces more of Himself, but increases my appetite to 12 ounces. Then He gives me 8 ounces... and increases my capacity to 20 ounces. With increased revelation of Jesus, the desire for more and the discontent with things the way they have always been happens simultaneously.

Shake off Lethargy, Refuse Complacency, and Let's Press In!

He Restores

I have found myself thinking about Scott a lot lately. I expect to miss him more around some significant dates or events, but this time... I just miss him. Seriously, sauteing vegetables made me think of him and opened a floodgate? When I put things like this out there for anyone to see, I feel slightly vulnerable. I keep thinking of how interested, especially in the beginning, I was of how other people in my circumstances were at different stages in their grief journey. I guess I felt like it could be a map to show where some had gone, or to validate where I was or how I felt. Although grief is completely different for every person, I still write with the hope that someone who IS in my circumstances will benefit. My biggest hope is that they would be encouraged to lean into the Lord and not away from Him.



With these images and memories playing in my mind more these last few days; it is a mixed blessing. It exposes the wound, but surely brings healing to a certain degree too. Although there is pain, I know joy comes in the morning. When I call out to Him, He responds. When I cry, He collects my tears. When my heart is broken, He is the balm that heals. So Lord, I thank You for the mixed blessings of pain that accompanies sweet memories, because in it, I find You everywhere I look. I believe He makes all things work together for my good. I know He heals and restores.



I can't help but think that this song posted below is so appropriate for so many. We often walk around with wounded hearts that are heavy with disappointment. Many times in my life before this, things didn't turn out the way I thought they would. Now that I am not in a position to run to something else to distract and temporarily fill, I find Him restoring. I pray that if there are any areas in your life that you have been diligently protecting from God and yourself, that they would be revealed. Those things that pain your heart when you think of them, but seem best just left alone. I really think everytime I hear this song, He restores just a little more and He heals just a little deeper. I hope it's the same for you.



This song is called Restoration. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LcyQOLVS_U

I can't help but love Him

I was blessed to go to a College of Prayer module this weekend. I just love their hearts for equipping and discipling leaders in the U.S. and abroad. I stayed with a girl who happened to be house-sitting, so I didn’t actually meet the couple whose house I stayed in. On the wall in the den, the wife had this thing made to honor her husband for their 29th wedding anniversary. It was so sweet. It went from when they met and how they had grown together through life. She honored him for how he fathered their children, how he ministered faithfully to the Lord. She told him how much she enjoyed him and how that only increased as the years progressed. I just thought it was so overwhelmingly incredible that they had such a long and wonderful legacy together. At the end, she signed it “the girl in the blue sweater”. I imagined that is how he remembered her from their first encounter. In the middle of deep and genuine appreciation for their love and legacy, I couldn’t help but feel that pang of sadness over my own love story having been shortened. Not even 30 seconds after this pang in my heart came, the Holy Spirit spoke over me.

“I have been writing our love story since before you were a formed substance in your mother’s womb. Even then, I knew you. I have loved you and have drawn you in with my love. I am your beloved and my thoughts toward you are many and immeasurable…they outnumber the sand.”

I love how He is so tender and gentle with me. A friend and I were recently talking and she, like many of my friends, is amazing, godly, beautiful …and single. She told me that she was asking the Lord if He had forgotten her as many of her friends and family have moved into the wife and mother roles. She and I have both read “The Pursuit of God” many times and she reminded me of a beautiful part of that book.

“When the Lord divided Canaan among the tribes of Israel Levi received no share of the land. God said to him simply, ‘I am thy part and thine inheritance,’ and by those words made him richer than all his brethren… and there is a spiritual principle here, a principle still valid for every priest of the Most High God”.

He really is our portion and inheritance. How beautiful and blessed am I (are we) that the creator God of the universe goes through such great lengths to communicate His love. Not only that He loves me, but He is passionate about me. His love for me is as strong as death! He is jealous for me.

In moments like these, where He speaks into the depths of my heart; I can’t help but love Him and want more of Him. He continually increases my desire so that He can fill it to capacity and then make it a little bigger. I love this prayer from Tozer: “Oh God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more… I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed.”

Therefore I have hope

Last night at The Well (the house of prayer I have the privilege to be a part of) there was a strong sense of intimacy and intercession. Oh the pleasure of the Lord over us, as we weakly cried out for more of Him, was so evident. I left so full, knowing I had feasted on the very presence of the Lord. I woke this morning with a great wave of discouragement over me. Some of the emotions and insecurities that widowhood/singleness bring were assaulting me. It was frustrating because I recognized it as an attack from the enemy. Those aren’t valid insecurities. Most insecurity is rooted in fear and perfect love casts out all fear. I know the One who is Love Himself. There were a few hours of that frustrated, not yet free of it, crying out to the Lord and trying to talk myself out of, or through the muck, but I wasn’t terribly successful.
I love that there are REAL examples of people who struggled in the Bible. It’s crazy to me that I can go from feeling so completely full and content in the Lord, to an onslaught that threatens to bring me down in less than 24 hours. In that, nothing of the Lord changed, only my emotions did. IHOP Atlanta’s Billy Humphrey recently did two sermons on Healing the Soul (GREAT and free on iTunes). He mentioned a few of these examples of godly people (a prophet, a king, and the worship leader in the Tabernacle of David) who really hit lows and how they leaned into the Lord to get themselves out of the pit.

One of my favorites of these examples was Jeremiah. For 25 years he prophesied the destruction of their homeland and that they would be taken into captivity and in Lamentations he finds himself in the ruins of the city. Seeing his prophecy fulfilled and in this state of extreme sadness, he says of God He has broken my bones and walled me in. He shuts out my prayers. He’s like a bear waiting to attack me. He bent His bow and has made me the target. My soul has been rejected, my strength has perished and so has my hope from the Lord. If that isn’t a clear picture of how discouraged we can become! I have often thought that the enemy’s usual method of attack on me is to help me forget the truth of who God is and what He has done in my life. I begin to think, does God hear me at all, does He see?… does He torture me for fun? It’s crazy, but in the moment and with the aid of the enemy of my soul who roams around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour whispering the lies into my soul, this is what happens.
Jeremiah then says in Lamentations 3:20-24 “Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me. This I recall to m mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion’ says my soul, ‘Therefore, I have hope in Him.’”
I know that after Scott passed away, my one great source of strength and encouragement was that God had not changed. He was the same the day before the accident and He would forever be the same. He was still loving and good. I have learned that my emotions are SO unreliable. The Word of the Lord endures forever though. Knowing the tactic of the enemy, I was able to get away for a little bit today and get in the Word. I heard a Hillsong song that has been in my iPod for months now, but I hadn’t really listened to it before. Here are part of the lyrics:

I have nothing more than all You offer me

There is nothing else that’s of worth to me

And I love You Lord

You rescued me

You are all that I want

You’re all that I need

Those words so worked in me that reminder; that He is good and He is everything that I want and need. I have mentioned this verse a few times before, but it is one of my favorites and is powerful. Psalm 73:25-26 “Whom have I in heaven but You and besides You on the earth I desire nothing, my flesh and my heart may fail, but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” I think to some, this might be a depressing verse, but for me it is the prayer of my life. No matter what circumstances I am in, I want to desire Him above all else and realize that He is my everything. Job 13:15 says though He slay me, yet I will trust Him. When I am in the Spirit, I can trust Him completely! I have learned to recognize more quickly what is happening and what I need to do to get out of it. Today, where the enemy attempted to weaken me, the Lord has so strengthened me. “Therefore I have hope, Great is Your faithfulness!”