In the end of January, I went to a leadership conference for those who are participating in the prayer movement. It was a good time of teaching. One of the speakers talked about really longing for Christ's return. He used the analogy of how his wife really longs for his return especially when he is gone from home too long. He said his sons might say nothing more than "Dad, when are you coming home? Hurry ok" but his wife's longing is more evident in her words and tone. Her words are marked with a persistent, earnest desire.
I am well acquainted with longing. So much of me longs for things to be the way they were. I long for that silent assurance that came with being Scott's wife. The idea that no matter what happened, I would never be alone in anything. I miss his friendship, I miss him fathering our children, I miss his humor. In so many ways, I am one that hates the mundane, but I would love for one mundane day with him. I've never thought much about longings. Most of my christian walk has been absent of longing for Jesus. In this season, He is revealing Himself more and more and showing me His love for me. Psalm 145:16 says He opens His hand and satisfies the desire of every living thing.
I understand more that all of creation and even we ourselves groan and suffer the pains of childbirth, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons and the redemption of our body (Romans 8: 23). 2 Corinthians 5:4-5, 8-9 says "For indeed while we are in this tent, we groan, being burdened, because we do not want to be unclothed but to be clothed, so that what is mortal will be swallowed up by life. Now He who prepared us for this very purpose is God, who gave to us the Spirit as a pledge. I say and prefer rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord. Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him."
I am realizing that you can't long for that which you do not know. I haven't longed for His return because of my lack of knowing Him and experiencing His love. A song I've heard is so true, the more I seek You the more I find You, The more I find You, the more I love You. I know that there was a major transformation that took place in my life when I put my trust in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins 12 years ago. I also know that I have for years been wanting depth, but have lacked the discipline to be in the word and to really seek Him until I found Him. I am so thankful for His goodness and grace in saving me and keeping me. I also know that things can never go back to being the way they were. Jesus wants to be known. This is no sacrifice on our part. Letting go of the imitations of this passing world to gain Him and be made like Him is our prize, our reward. I wish that these lessons hadn't come at such a great cost, but I want the Lord to use them not just for me but others as well. For those of us in Christ Jesus, we have been bought with a price (His precious blood) and we are no longer our own. He is our Lord, and He lets us know Him as a husband. (Isa. 54:5) If we first restore the great commandment (Matt 22:37) to love the Lord with all of our hearts, souls and minds. Then we will naturally be found watching, waiting and hastening the day of the Lord (2 Peter 3:12). My personal aim is to learn what it is to deny myself, take up my cross and follow Him, for in losing my life I will find it. I am longing for more of Him in this life through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, but toward the end of being in His presence for eternity, whether eventually through death or in His returning. I don't want to stand before Him and not know Him. I am pleading with you (and myself) to not waste THIS life and THIS time on yourself and the passing pleasures of this world.
Hebrews 12:1 "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us". Philippians 3:20-21 "For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory."
I know that He alone can satisfy my longings. The longing in my heart for my husband and the longing to be in the presence of God, in this life/present age and the one to come! COME LORD!
John Piper has a sermon that shows how fasting and longing for His return work together.
Link to the song The More I Seek You
I really do so appreciate those of you who are still praying for me and my children. It has been a rough couple of days emotionally but even in it He is so near. Thank you so much.
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